The House You Thought You Were Is Gone

"The House You Thought You Were Is Gone"
10" Diameter
Momigami Mixed Media

Hello Dear Friends,

Every Sunday I have this practice of pulling an Oracle Card and then using it to reflect & glean any relevant meaning for the week to come. Sometimes I pull one that strikes with a dull thud, I find nothing in it that pertains to me or gives me any sense of relevance to meditate on.

But most of the time, there is at least a seed. A kernel of truth that I can tuck up under my breast and carry with me as I begin the new week. And sometimes that seed will sprout with such clarity as I move about my days that I nearly laugh out loud in amazement. 

This week I pulled the Temple card. Always a welcome reminder to treat my body and my home as sacred. To get back to the self care practices that nurture and inspire after a season of too many distractions. So I didn't dig too deep when I pulled it. 

As my schedule opened up a bit and I found myself with the ability to run my finger down the neglected task list, I knew it was time to start unpacking what I brought home when I closed my big studio and begin organizing my home studio, now my only studio, in earnest.

In the midst of deciding the best use for my space, the tower of four oversized industrial tubs sat waiting for me to address. Inside they contained the collage fodder I had stashed and collected for well over a decade - all that I had not brought home since the beginning of the pandemic.

I could feel a resistance building inside as I contemplated how to sort and incorporate it all. Suddenly I knew that this resistance had been nagging at me before I even hired the movers and reserved the moving truck.

I knew that I was done with this stuff. This load from the big studio felt like an obligation. An overextended guest in my home. I fought with it for about 15 minutes and then in one burst of energy, I lugged each one of those bins outside and tipped them over in the dumpster. 

     

Now, I realize that many of you may be feeling just a bit nauseous looking at this picture, being the artists and art lovers that you are, you see this pile as potential. But for me, it is a picture of liberation. A moment of clarity that my temple - the studio, was asking me to rid myself of things that were weighing me down. 

Transitional seasons in life and in the studio are challenging. Logic says to at least find a good home for these things I no longer want. Logic says to save them in case I decide to use them later. Sometimes that logic is actually wisdom, but for me it was the voice of fear.

Fear said letting go of something that used to be so important to me, without knowing exactly what was coming next, would lead me to deeply regret my actions. That it was better to play it safe than it was to take this drastic step. 

But after so many years of honing my practice through the use of these materials, I knew that fear was not the voice of my intuition and not the voice I should be listening to. 

Can you relate?

With gratitude,

Crystal Marie